This is a subject that never gets boring, right? It's intriguing and makes many of us curious. How do you experience midlife as a phase of growth? What does it take and is it possible?
After my own experiences l decided to specialize in coaching successful and creative people from a place of struggling during midlife to clarity and empowerment. According to Wikipedia, the term midlife means "the central period of a person's life, between around 45 and 60 years old."
What are the magic ingredients to reignite your relationships in midlife; to be curious and allow yourself to be open. Not to let fear of the unknown take over. Seriously, whether you are open to the challenges of midlife depends on your values. There won't be a better outcome for you if you do nothing. I promise you that. What values were you brought up with from your parents? Have they served you for your current romantic relationship, have you adjusted your values over time or did you carve out a completely different life for yourself with your own new values and beliefs you have formed in recent years?
My values have served me well as a mother of teenage kids and in my job in private healthcare, supporting people emotionally. They served me well in my long marriage until I reached my 40s.
My values, however, became updated since I chose a much different life path of living abroad and living in "the real world", great expression isn't it, ha! I didn't adjust my values when the sea of life got unexpectedly choppy. Tony Robins, the highly successful life coach, states in his TED talk that we have 6 human basic needs. They are "certainty, uncertainty, love/connection, significance, growth and contribution." He said in his seminar in London recently that how we find ourselves right now meets our needs, even if we don't like our circumstances right now.
I run workshops and do coaching sessions in situ and via Skype, often coming to this subject. It is mind-blowingly powerful learning! In coaching we speak about learning and unlearning to highlight the wiring of our neurology. One of my main needs in life is certainty. When I was first married, I was certain that going abroad on a posting to live in Canada was a fantastic idea! I need certainty that my kids love me, that my job environment is reflecting high standards and where I live within the next year. I flourish with a partner who offers certainty in his beliefs, his affection for me and how focused he is on his career path.
The exotic stories of deceit and juicy adventures in midlife are entertaining and surely exciting but if you look at it clearly are only a reflection of a person's needs. Yes, it is boring to be predictable as a partner and lose one's sense of self worth. The only possible exception might be if your top need is uncertainty. Self worth, flexibility, more drive towards financial independence and standing up for myself was a missing ingredient in my life and marriage. It's never too late to reinvent yourself or rediscover though, for sure. That gives us our sparkle, our identity and our superpower! If we leave relationships in an unsatisfactory state they will in fact not become better. Things will not "sort itself out” unless there is a conscious effort and change. Coaching and NLP are invaluable tools to help people get unstuck and find their own solutions that work for them. Change does not have to be painful and unachievable, it can be huge fun!
How many of us accept not to be loved with passion and depth, how many people drink alcohol every night to numb themselves in order to relax and how many choose to complain regularly to our partners? There is a burning need for quality coaching to support people in midlife. To look at how exactly you want your life to develop with your values and beliefs. You get in life what you have the courage to ask for! Are you up for the challenge of transforming your life so you can be an inspiring partner, parent or co-worker who lives by example?
Don't settle, set yourself free!
If this speaks to you, get in touch today to work together. We have a current offer on our 6 week program.
Siska Redman FH, MTA Redman Coaching