Hello! I am Siska Redman from Redman Coaching, the self-appointed Midlife Rockstar Coach from Somerset in the UK. I want to share with you my knowledge about how to build an extraordinarily beautiful MIDLIFE.
I, like you, have always had big dreams.
Today I really love my life. It has plenty of personal freedom, is filled with creativity, deep connection with other people, amazing travel opportunities, intelligent conversations, a good dash of growth and a lot of beauty. Beauty which derives from nature and beauty which derives from music and art.
Today I live a life which is totally aligned to my core values. I bring up my children with those values. Today I speak, dress, eat and think embodying those values. I continue to be excited by and drawn into other people's warmth, energy, kindness, innovation, boldness, focus, style and ability. I love my tribe of people who have always been either pretty happy and kind, or who have turned their life around to something really amazing after a bumpy bit of road. I have leaned into healing and the knowledge that comes with it as a healthy and innovative agenda. I don't do mediocre. It bores me to death and lacks energy. It is the opposite of being turned on and instead I thrive to be tuned in and tapped in as Esther Hicks so fittingly calls it.
But my life hasn't always been like this. It has taken me a good five years to get to this point of genuine happiness and resourcefulness. It was worth it and it feels great! There are, of course, still a few areas in my life that I still want to improve on. That is ok. Rome wasn't built in a day.
Let me tell you a bit about the LAWS OF A HEALTHY AND HAPPY MIDLIFE and how it works.
People are doing great in midlife for two different reasons:
1. They knew what they wanted out of life and have maintained a healthy sense of self and self-esteem pretty much throughout their life. They are very focused. They grew up in a family with healthy boundaries and in a nurturing environment. They had permission to articulate what they felt and took action on it. They were not punished for talking their truth. Whenever they encountered difficulties, they learned from it. They do not blame others or engage in behaviour that numbs their pain. They take action fast. They are confident.
OR
2. They had a wake-up call in midlife which opened them up for finding their own unique journey.
Maybe they got ill with stress and re-evaluated life.
Maybe they were made redundant, had a massive crisis and changed their mind to pursue a new career.
Maybe they had a breakdown.
Maybe they felt enormous pain from not being able to conceive a child.
Maybe they or their spouse reacted by experiencing stress and rejection by cheating. Maybe they got hurt and heartbroken by that experience.
Maybe they got depressed and really suffered in a low mood vibe for a very long time.
Maybe their Mum or Dad died, or their child got ill, or both together at once.
Or they just lost their way and didn't know what was happening.
Or they just lost their energy from the constant demands of their environment, with little appreciation in return, that was going nowhere long term.
Or they just changed, their values changed, their opinions changed and they got very confused about their identity.
Maybe they lost their way and gave up on their looks for a while.
BUT...
There were people around them that helped them and believed in them.
There were people around them who showed and told them how much they loved them.
There were people around them who did not take those destructive behaviours personally and saw that there was pain underneath the facade.
They themselves learned that asking for help was not weak, it was intelligent. They believed in the good more than in fear. This gave them choices.
There were people around them who took responsibility in their part.
There were people around them who forgave them because everybody messes up every now and then, badly.
They reached out to a coach or a mentor to give the derailing and pain an EMPOWERING MEANING without judgement.
They acknowledged the root of their discomfort and made dramatic changes in their lives.
They did not retaliate or blame others but instead turned their pain into pure power, growth and motivation.
They learned how to forgive.
They learned how to have good boundaries and keep people safe.
They invested real time, a lot of energy and a considerable amount of money into investing in their growth. They kept going, especially when they wanted to give up or got stuck.
They don't hide their story, they own and share it which encourages others in return to do the same. They don't have a victim story, they own their powerful story with a beautiful purpose!
They became whole and compassionate and share their story with others. This makes them instantly more approachable, honest, trustworthy and compassionate because they step up as leaders.
As a result of their learning…
People with happiness and a great sense of fulfilment in midlife know that they have to have their needs met, and they constantly check that these needs are met. That it is not an act of selfishness.
To articulate what you like, need and where you need help from your partner.
To stop sacrificing your energy for the children for too long when in fact it makes you resentful.
To identify mind games in your relationships and to have the courage to say that this feels bad and it must change.
They ask their partner good questions and they find out what the needs of their partner are.
Habits and expectations bring such stagnation to relationships. And so does entitlement and not being allowed to be honest for fear of losing a partner… would you agree?
I adore learning more and more how different midlife can be, how intelligent and how immensely confident and industrious this time can be!
My own midlife story was bumpy, I encountered traumatic life events which appeared very unexpected and sudden at the time. It almost broke me. But I have always had seriously strong beliefs, love creating and have an undimmable love for people. I am a badass woman. I'm in recovery from having been an over-giver, a fixer, an over endurer. In other words a codependent in recovery. This is not an easy thing for me to write down but it has little shame attached to it now for me. A codependent is someone who has a history of putting the needs of others first and in the process cannot allow the self to really enjoy meeting their own needs.
I know it's just a pattern I kept running codependency as a program that was installed in my thinking. I can replace it and choose differently today. I still get sidetracked at times.
I am so pleased that I dug deep for this knowledge and I know it will serve thousands who need to hear this right now. And it's fun. I am having fun with it!
I have become fiercely independent. I love freedom, creativity and wealth. I am a force to be reckoned with.
Like you!
Once you have experienced an awakening like this, you know instantly when you encounter another person who has also invested in this kind of journey. They have genuine compassion for other people and are no longer driven by their fears but by their goals and abilities.
The Physics of Midlife is very simple: Be as authentic as possible. Remember what you adore, what lights you up, what gives you energy and do that often.
When you say what you want and what you like, people understand you as a character. Ask for help in areas where you are less resourceful. Get yourself solutions which are aligned with your values. Know that past hurts and disappointments are just old programs that we have thought over and over again. Understand that. Give the experiences a new meaning which empowers you.
We have incredible NLP techniques available today to erase the negative emotional charge of past events. That is super useful.
Be an independent thinker, build yourself up and if you are in a relationship work out how you can have your needs met without hurting your partner. Forgive your partner for what they have done that hurt you if you want to be with them. Stop the mind games and be conscious whether you are actually able to meet your needs in a healthy way. Be honest, curb the BS!
People who have awakened are authentic. This makes them immensely attractive as human beings. And how amazing and gorgeous is that…
to be an epic Midlife Rockstar! It's totally brilliant!
Come join us, follow me on my Facebook page Redman Coaching or on Instagram.
I am available for 6 week, 3 month and 6 month coaching packages, please get in touch here for more information. Invest in yourself.